3 reasons why there is no such thing as laziness!

Exactly!

I remember one time whilst in a depressive episode being disgusted with how little I was doing each day in comparison with other people.  Our fast paced society values productivity and being busy is glorified and admired.  The result is that the guilt about being unproductive a depressed person feels increases more and more and the depression worsens. Those with depression often hold the same harsh, critical judgements that other people have about the condition.  

I've found myself googling 'What's the difference between depression and laziness' before and wondering if I'm just a complete self-indulgent slob and why I can't just be normal, busy and productive like everyone else.  The more widely I read about depression, the more I do understand that it is a medical condition that impairs a person's functioning.  It is nothing to do with being lazy, ill-intentioned or unwillingness to contribute anything to society or other people.  In my case (and I think for a lot of people with my kind of personality) I'm someone who cares very much about a lot of different things (not just veganism!) and I have a real drive for making a positive difference in the world.  It can be quite exhausting caring about so many things at once and it's almost like the depression has to happen to give yourself a break! I don't think Homer Simpson is really one of my top role models but the picture on the top right makes so much sense.  We all need to recharge our batteries sometimes and it's ok to do this without guilt.

On my nutrition course when we learnt about the blue zones (certain areas in the world where people have an especially long life expectancy) one of the 9 keys to longevity was working less and taking time to relax. For more on this see: https://www.bluezonesproject.com/power9#power9-3

Is all 'laziness' depression?

No, that's not what I'm trying to imply but sometimes what appears to be pure laziness might be hidden depression.  Apparent laziness or apathy can be simply due to tiredness that can have many underlying causes.  Aside from anaemia or low iron levels which I've talked about on my previous blog: 

http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/iron-like-lion-in-zion.html

tiredness can be due to prolonged stress (which causes exhaustion of the adrenal glands and fatigue), being too busy, autoimmune conditions, ME, digestive disorders in which the absorption of nutrients is impaired, thyroid and other hormonal problems, the list goes on. If a person is neglecting their work in their job or in the home to the extent that it impacts negatively on the workload of others then it needs to be addressed but it's always good to consider the possibility there might genuinely be something wrong with them before casting judgement.

I got this book out from the library.
I'm erm, gonna read it later

Can 'laziness' sometimes just be fear? 

Absolutely! In my blog about letting go of guilt http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.
com/2016/05/more-guilty-nutritional-therapy.html I've talked about the procrastination/guilt cycle.  Sometimes we can appear to be lazy when really we're just afraid of doing something and so we avoid it and procrastinate.  Once we work out the reason why we are afraid of doing something that needs to be done or we know will most probably benefit us, we can think of ways we can get around this fear, take steps towards doing whatever it is and end up feeling so much better in the long run.  Sometimes inaction can just be about uncertainty.  It's very normal not to be sure what to do and in these times it's best to not put too much pressure on yourself.

Humans are strange creatures and we have a tendency to behave in counter-productive ways a lot of the time that make us unhappy and dissatisfied with our lives. Criticising ourselves and others for being lazy just creates guilt and hostility.

Some of us are tortoises, some are hares! 

We're all different. Some people thrive on being busy and enjoy it and there's nothing wrong with that if it doesn't result in stress or ill health.  For those who have a mortgage, bills and/or children to feed and look after, taking a break when you want one isn't always an option but it doesn't make you a bad person if you feel like you want a holiday.  Just focusing on what is essential and ignoring the not so important stuff may help. (I like the motto "everyone fed, no one dead!") Attempting to be superman/woman and constantly 'keep up with the Joneses' is just likely to cause misery. Those like me who are in a position to take a break and like taking things a bit slower should enjoy it without feeling the need to impress others. 

I will not feel guilty!

Things that are really annoying.........

Really? I think these kind of vegans 
are like unicorns. Non-existent

About being vegan. I'm lucky that although probably about 90% of my best friends and close family are meat eaters it doesn't cause much hostility or inconvenience.  I generally like to focus on the many other things I have in common with people (there's a lot more to me than veganism!) and enjoy myself. I like to change people's perceptions about veganism by making vegan food enjoyable and indulgent and just by being a cool person. 

More about this on my blog 
http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.co.uk

/2014/07/cant-we-just-all-get-along-little-about.html

But some things about the treatment and portrayal of vegans that seriously get on my nerves. Firstly there's:

The 'Sense of humour' thing

this is an exaggeration but yet it's still more realistic
 than the meme above!

Recently a video came out called 'if meat eaters acted like vegans' that was supposedly hilarious and had millions of views.  I only watched a tiny bit of it but it portrayed vegans as being judgemental, self-righteous and making unreasonable difficult demands in restaurants. I have been to vegan meet ups (albeit sporadically) but over a good few years and I have yet to meet a vegan who behaves anything like this. It's a stereotype that just really comes from nowhere. Vegans are less than 1% of the population and it's an even smaller percentage who are actually self-righteous about it so I find it hard to understand why some meat eaters would feel threatened by such a tiny minority. 

It sparked a lot of heated debate between vegans being annoyed at being depicted that way and meat eaters accusing them of having no sense of humour and not being able to take a joke.  I mentioned in my earlier blog http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/more-about-peace-settling-battles.html that I do have a sense of humour (don't see why I need to prove this to strangers when those who know me well are already aware of this!) but certain jokes about vegans really bother me.  Why is this?

Being a sensitive person with low self-esteem makes it hard to be different from other people.  When meeting new people I want to make a good impression and like any normal person I like to find common ground and make polite conversation in order to be pleasant and sociable. When you're someone who never fitted in at primary school, secondary school or university, drawing attention to something that makes you different from other people is really not what you want to do. I feel like mentioning being vegan or even just vegetarian creates a barrier and so I avoid mentioning it unless necessary.  A few years back there was a work Christmas 'do and the vegetarian option on the set menu was full of cheese and other dairy products and when people asked me why I wasn't going I just said 'I don't really like the menu'.    This is why it's especially annoying to say that vegans can't shut up about it when people like me just feel really awkward about mentioning it.  

I've had difficulty sticking to veganism sometimes and one of the reasons is that I can be too unassertive sometimes and I've ended up eating non-vegan foods to be polite when eating at someone else's house. When I'm reminded of how animals are abused in the egg and dairy industries I get annoyed with myself for having strayed away from it and in awe of the vegans who have stuck with it for years.  As I'm getting older I'm slowly becoming more confident in my own choices and I don't see why I should have to apologise for it.

Non-vegans are perfectly entitled to be difficult out of fussiness or trying fad-diets but a vegan who likes Chinese, Thai, Indian, Latin American, Caribbean, Italian, Spanish & Middle Eastern style food must apologise for inconveniencing people with their morals! You wouldn't want to be one of the 'bad' vegans!

and secondly:

Constant Duty to Prove....

That you can be healthy.  Most people were raised to believe that we need to eat animal products to be healthy and thrive and so the idea of not eating any still seems controversial.  Even prior to doing my nutrition diploma I read very widely around the subject of vegan nutrition and so I'm quite clued up about what I need to do to be healthy and nourished.  Yet still, people, including those who are obese, who smoke or binge drink think it's okay to criticise vegans for their diet and tell them they are malnourished! 

Do I feel in perfect health all the time? No. Does anyone?  Other than depressive episodes I'm pretty symptomless and hadn't been off sick from my job in about 5 or 6 years but yet I felt the need to write a blog to prove that my depression wasn't related to my diet (See http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.co.uk/2015/05/depression-part-2-food-mood and.html). The first time I saw a student nutritional therapist I was eating quite a good diet and but I said that my energy could be a bit better and she suggested that I might be anaemic.  Totally nothing to do with the fact that I'd started studying for the science access course (equivalent to 2 A levels) whilst working full time! 

Thank you Vegan Sidekick!

Like the rest of the population there are some vegans who are very health conscious and some who are not and enjoy junk food.  Why should those who are not especially health conscious feel like they have to be a role model? Why did that poor woman have to die trying to climb Mount Everest to prove a point?  Can't vegans just enjoy themselves like other people?

& meat eaters sometimes act like they're the victim? P-lease...............

RANT OVER!

Cherry Bakewell Protein Shake

I'm seeing a personal trainer at the moment so I've been getting back into having protein smoothies. My real passion is making healthy food both tasty and indulgent so I thought I'd do one with a bakewell tart theme. Sports nutrition is a complex subject and it wasn't covered on my diploma but I went on a one day workshop about it and it's so important to get nutrition right when exercising, whatever your goal is.

At the moment I'm just trying to lose some weight rather than build muscle but protein is always important for muscle recovery.  After my second personal training session my muscles were so stiff I could barely walk normally and it took 3 magnesium baths for me to feel normal again! However,...

Not just about protein!

Yes, protein is important but so are

other ingredients!

Some people might think just eating protein and no carbohydrate is the thing to do when trying to build muscle or lose weight, but it's actually counter-productive. Carbohydrates are necessary for exercise and when our body is starved of them, it uses the amino acids in our muscles as fuel before using our fat reserves.  This is why when rapid weight loss occurs with high protein diets, it is often muscle that is lost. When the person reverts to normal eating or ends up binge eating because of the carbohydrate deprivation the result is more fat being gained and difficulty losing the weight.
The answer is to eat a suitable combination of carbohydrates and protein depending on your body composition.  In general we need around 0.8g protein per kg of body weight, more if we are trying to increase muscle.

The correct amount of carbohydrate is crucial for exercise, I've ended up feeling dizzy and faint on occasions due to not eating enough before exercising. In general we should eat around 30-60g carbohydrate per hour of exercise, depending on the intensity of exercise and whether you're trying to lose weight. No point drinking a whole bottle of Lucozade if you're just going for a 10 minute jog!

Nutritional benefits of these ingredients

• Cherries are a great source of antioxidants, important to neutralise the free radicals generated by exercise.
• Bananas are a good source of carbohydrate for energy and potassium, essential for fluid balance.
• Almonds are a good source of magnesium, needed for the activity of the adrenal glands.
• Pea protein is a source of branched chain amino acids, needed for muscle repair
• Flax oil is a source of omega 3 fats, essential for reducing inflammation.  
• If you choose a calcium enriched milk alternative, this along with the exercise will help keep your bones strong 

Plenty of healthy boxes ticked!

ooh it almost matches
my hat!

Ingredients

100g Cherries (pitted or you could use frozen to save time)
1 medium banana
25g ground almonds
15g pea protein
250ml soya, almond or coconut milk
10ml flax or chia oil.

• Add the liquid ingredients first to the blender
• Chop the banana and add to the mixture
• Add the pea protein and ground almonds
• Add the cherries and then blend.
• Enjoy!

This is usually quite filling so I don't usually drink the whole thing in one go but if you're after something that will sustain you for a good few hours, these kinds of smoothies are great.

5 steps for winning the battle of the mind

This is what we have to do when we have
negative thoughts. Even if they are scary and
seem bigger than you, fight against them
and you can win!

Although I'm quite content at the moment I still have negative and paranoid thoughts (don't we all) about myself. It is just human nature and nothing unusual, but it's when these thoughts persist and have a lasting effect on our self-esteem, our lives and our relationships that it's a problem.

Don't be your own bully!

I have never physically self-harmed but I harm myself in an emotional way by the thoughts I have. I'm surrounded by good family and friends now and no one has said anything bad about me or my appearance for a long time,  When I put on weight I'll say to myself 'I'm so disgusting'.  I often say that I look masculine (I remember calling myself a transvestite sumo wrestler as a teenager!) and this is not something a single person has ever said to me, it's what I say to myself! Sometimes if I'm 5 minutes late for work or something the thought in my head is 'Oh I'm such an idiot'.  I don't think things like this all the time and sometimes I am able to just laugh at myself but it's really sad that we sometimes become our own bullies with our thoughts.

Be aware!

It's important to recognise when we're doing this to ourselves.  What can be dangerous is when you don't stop and question these thoughts and you just accept them as the truth. I've definitely been in that position before and when people have said positive things about me I've found it impossible to believe them.  If you think this way, it's possible you have depression and/or low self-esteem and there's nothing wrong with getting help for it.  See my blog: http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/5-things-to-do-when-black-dog-strikes.html about getting help for depression. Life can be so much more enriched when you're no longer a prisoner to your negative thoughts.

Fight the demons!

lol.  That paragraph was quite
emotional so I thought I'd
 lighten the mood. Sense of 
humour always helps!

I realise not everyone has seen the Lord of the Rings but the picture on the top right is of Gandalf the Grey wizard fighting against a creature called a balrog which looks like a demon or devil. What happens is Gandalf fights the creature on the bridge to protect the rest of the fellowship.  He breaks the bridge with his powers and the balrog falls down.  It appears Gandalf has won the fight but then the balrog drags Gandalf down with him.  But in the second film you find out that although Gandalf fell down the hole, he carried on fighting, eventually won and came back as Gandalf the White (a more powerful wizard). It was a physical fight but this concept can be applied to our minds.  

Depression and negative thoughts can be like a scary monster who drags us down a dark hole but it's possible to fight against it and come back stronger. My doctor said something to me that really helped. 'Think of the negative thoughts as being outside of you'. Then you can imagine them as being something you forbid from taking over your mind. (& yes you can pretend to be Gandalf or Luke Skywalker if it helps!)

Now some sane person suggestions:

Atreyu, from the Neverending
story. I love films where the
hero does not have to be
someone with big muscles.
Small people can have power!

People have different strategies for battling against negativity. Prayer can be an extremely powerful one for some people but those who are not religious can find other ways such as positive affirmations, therapy, mindfulness, self-help books, films with a positive message (it's quite clear I'm a fantasy fan!), inspirational youtube videos like TED talks.  I'm enjoying listening to my cheesy confidence playlist on spotify at the moment! Anything that improves one's thoughts and feelings in a positive and long-term way is going to help.  When we are busy, feeling low and in desperate need of a boost we can resort to temporary fixes like getting drunk, taking drugs, having one night stands or having a make-over. Although it's understandable that people do this, it is important to try to reprogram our minds otherwise we will always just end up back at square one.

Stay level-headed but strong 

Those who think like me will be really uncomfortable saying positive things about themselves and afraid of becoming narcissistic or arrogant but it's all about balance.  It's possible to feel good about yourself and also remain humble.

See : http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.co.uk/2016/06/confidence-and-paranoia-who-should-you.html for more on this.

We might not be able to ever stop having ever negative thoughts but we can do what we can to stop them from holding us back from enjoying our lives.  I'm not suggesting that those who have had depression for years or taken their own lives have not tried hard enough to fight it but there's nothing to lose by keeping trying. It can be a long and tough fight but the battle can be won.  Whenever you find yourself having negative thoughts remember the following quote from Labyrinth: 

A letter to the depressed me from the sane me

(not my image, from a book
by Ellen Forney)
What a great idea!

 Right now I am feeling very confident and positive about my life and my future.  I've not been diagnosed with bipolar disorder but I've had periods of depression and hypomania (low level mania). The period where I come out of a depressive episode and start enjoying the things I used to do again is always great and I feel so good that I don't think the depression will ever come back again.  The upsetting thing is looking back through my life, I've seen it come back so many times and I don't think I've ever been 2 years without being depressed (that I can remember). Knowing that it's likely to come back is a depressing thought so I thought I'd write myself a letter (or blog, rather) to make sure I can be prepared for it as well as possible.

and it's ok!

The things that bother me the most about my depressive episodes are the fact that I put on weight and eat junk food including cakes, chips, chocolates and pizza and end up getting really annoyed with myself. The fact that I qualified as a nutritional therapist and know very well how bad it is for me just adds to the guilt. I also have the constant debilitating (and incorrect) thought that everyone else is superior to me. I might not be able to stop the depression from recurring but I can help myself manage it as best as I can by supporting myself through it.

Tips for myself!

• Don't be in denial! Having depression does not make you weak or inferior to other people. Get help for it as soon as possible.
• You might feel empty and like you don't care about anything or any of your principles any more but this is not because you have become a horrible person. It is because right now you don't have the energy to do anything but look after yourself and you deserve it.
• You are not stupid or incompetent! You still managed to get good marks in essays and do your job throughout depressive episodes, so what if it just takes a bit more time and effort? You don't know that much about politics and history because there are other things that interest you more, nothing wrong with this.
• So what if other people have achieved more at your age or younger? There's no knowing how long I will live but it's likely I have many years of life ahead of me and there is still time to achieve the things I want to.
• Even if you don't believe any of these things I'm saying right now, it is not your fault.  It is the depression talking.  This feeling of emptiness is temporary and some day you will feel like yourself again.

Chocolate, Cake, Cheese or Steak? What do you crave?

A lot of the time when I've said to someone how long I've been vegetarian they often say 'I could never do that, I wouldn't have the self-control!' 

I always find it funny because I think I probably have less self-control than most meat eaters.

Anyone who's been out with me to a restaurant will have witnessed my poor dining etiquette and that I don't join in the conversation once my food has arrived because I'm so fixated on munching down my meal.  On nights out out I also finish my drinks much faster than most people (I at least don't do it on an empty stomach!).  I do experience cravings sometimes and I'm no good at resisting them at all so most of the time I don't even try.

I've mentioned in some of my previous blogs that I've known about the horrors of animal farming (including the egg and dairy industry) and wanted to be vegan since age 16. I went vegetarian at age 20 and have never looked back but veganism I've been very back and forth with sticking to it. I've never really liked cheese or eggs but for me, cake is my achilles heel. I love making vegan cakes and I've had some really nice ones in cafes and when going to vegan meet ups. The problem is when depressed I get very specific and overwhelming cravings, I stop caring about any of my principles and I lack the motivation to do anything and that includes making a vegan cake or getting on a long bus journey to one of the very few places that sell vegan cakes.  The result is I end up eating non-vegan cakes (amongst other unhealthy foods), I put on weight and when I've recovered from the depression I get exasperated with myself.  Cravings can be extremely powerful and giving in to them can result in feelings of self-loathing and failure.  We're only human and it's not a sign of weakness, it's to do with our body chemistry.

What's behind these cravings?  

As I've mentioned in my previous blog http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.co.uk/2014/07/you-can-have-your-cake-and-eat-it-under.html stress and depression mean low serotonin (a feel-good body chemical) levels and eating high carbohydrate foods helps to increase it temporarily, providing feelings of comfort.  Eating cakes, sweets and chocolates when stressed or depressed is really our body's attempt at homeostasis (maintaining balance) gone slightly wrong.  It is completely understandable, but giving in to this over long periods of time can result in ill health and obesity.  The solution is to find longer term, healthier ways of increasing serotonin levels.  If you have actually been diagnosed with depression, medication and/or therapy might be necessary but there are many other healthy mood lifting things we can do.  See point 3. on my previous blog for some ideas.

http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/5-things-to-do-when-black-dog-strikes.html

The individual foods we crave and provide comfort also depend on our life experiences.  Food preferences start from in the womb, depending on what our mothers eat during pregnancy.  Most show a preference for sweet tastes in early life but as the years go by, we develop positive associations with some foods and aversions to others (I still can't stand peas, eugh!)

Why specifically cake for me? When I was a child my family really didn't have much money and I didn't have a nice experience at school.  A couple of times per week my mum would take us to the cake shop and buy us an iced bun and that would be the highlight of my day. I don't remember much from my childhood but memories that stick out include eating a whole cake (intended for the family) at age 4 and feelings of euphoria when having a slice of birthday cake as a child.  It's no wonder that it's a food I revert to at times when I'm feeling in need of comfort.

This book is brilliant! I got it
free because it was withdrawn
from the library, yey!

What is behind meat or cheese cravings?  There may be many different reasons. It may be positive associations developed in childhood eg. families bonding together over a roast dinner at Christmas or a summer barbecue, it could be the body lacking in some nutrient or other. Dr Mike Dow's book mentions about how savoury but fatty foods including meat and cheese help increase levels of another feel-good body chemical (dopamine), which is associated with motivation, excitement and drive. Levels of this neurotransmitter are also low in people who are stressed or depressed and attachments and addictions can easily form.

I used to like chicken when I was younger and some things like sausage rolls but once I learned about how it was produced and gave it up at age 20 I never looked back.  I never was much of a dairy eater either so for me giving it up is not too much of a challenge for the most part. There's nothing more annoying than someone saying they find something easy that you find difficult so here's some links to blogs of people who have given up meat and cheese, despite really liking them. https://www.vegansociety.com/whats-new/blog/10-tips-going-vegetarian-vegan
http://www.theflamingvegan.com/view-post/The-Meat-Lover-s-Guide-to-Surviving-Veganism
http://inourishgently.com/vegan-dairy-cravings/ for those who are trying to reduce or eliminate these foods.

People can form strong attachments to certain foods and this is why a lot of people get upset with vegans even if they're not self-righteous about it.  I love baked goods and on my nutrition course I would often get upset with gluten and sweet foods being constantly demonised so I can understand the feeling in a way. Using food as a source of comfort and enjoyment just makes us human, it's when we eat certain foods excessively or to numb pain that it's a problem. The positive thing is,  whether you want to remove a food from your diet for ethical or health reasons, addictions and attachments can be overcome with hard work and determination. Removing something from your diet doesn't have to mean deprivation which is why I love to make healthier vegan versions of baked goods.

Chocolate cookie recipe
http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/make-cookies-not-war-slightly-healthier.html

Ginger snap recipe
http://samanthathesanevegan.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/iron-like-lion-in-zion.html

Don't beat yourself up if you find it difficult, it can take time and some people are more predisposed to addictions than others. :) Seek support from those around you and don't stop trying!!!

The girl in the mirror 2. All about that body confidence

make up free selfie first
thing in the morning today

Body image and self-esteem are areas that I find really interesting. I can remember one day watching a programme about a pair of conjoined twins who appeared really happy and carefree and thinking 'why do I care so much if I have big thighs or messy hair?, how trivial!' I've had issues with this for as long as I can remember and my recent experience of therapy got me thinking about it again.  I have become a lot more confident over the years compared to how I was as a teenager (which isn't saying much!) but I'm still far from being as comfortable with myself than I'd like to be.

I'd suffered another depressive episode recently and had put on a lot of weight over the winter due to comfort eating and stress. After leaving my job and having therapy my mood was lifted dramatically and my energy and motivation to look after myself, exercise and eat well was back.  Nonetheless I found myself feeling disgusted with the weight I'd put on and the way that most of my clothes were tight on me.  But I chose to take my own advice and rather than doing what the depressed me does (moaning that I'm fat and waiting for that reassuring 'no you're not, you look fine!')

this is usually how I feel after indulging over winter!

I started to get back into exercising and watching what I eat, making it enjoyable in the process.  I've been ice skating and roller-skating a few times, been for walks in parks and around London (weather permitting!) and have started seeing a personal trainer at the gym.  Having done the nutrition diploma I have a lot of knowledge about how to lose weight healthily and without deprivation and I've been enjoying experimenting with healthy recipes. But how do I feel about myself now?

The 2016 Samantha! 

Most of the time appearance nowadays isn't that much of an issue for me.  When I went to Portugal in 2012 and went to the beach I felt quite relaxed and was thinking 'Yes I don't have the perfect 'bikini body' (whatever that means), but who cares, I'm here to enjoy myself!' A lot of the time I'm happy to walk down the street with no make-up and without really making a great effort to look attractive but certain situations trigger feelings of insecurity.  When going on a night out in a bar where people are dressed up I often feel insecure,end up comparing myself to other more attractive, slimmer women and it prevents me from enjoying the night.  I absolutely refuse to leave the house wearing my glasses (much to my optician's disapproval!) because it makes me incredibly self-conscious, I still don't particularly like looking in the mirror and I often get depressed about my weight and appearance when I go clothes shopping. I'm sure these feelings are not all that uncommon or unusual and I'm still far from being comfortable with myself. But I've come a long way and it's a work in progress!

Teenage Samantha!

sadly true

How did I used to feel about myself? Like many people, unfortunately I was bullied in primary and secondary school and quite a few people said to me that I was ugly and/or fat.  A person (or several people) saying something doesn't make it true.  There are probably more people who have paid me compliments about my appearance but those with depression tend to have a negative bias towards things that are said (noticing the negative and ignoring the positive).

The result is that certain thoughts or ideas about oneself can become ingrained and extremely hard to undo.  When I was a teenager, my family really didn't have much money, my clothes were unfashionable, my hair was Einstein-like and I was seen by many to be a geek (I believe the popular word at the time was 'boff!) and not really not the kind of girl that boys would be interested in. I felt quite awkward about myself but when I got a job at 16 I could afford to buy myself new clothes and hair products to tame my frizzy hair.  This helped a little bit but when I got attention from men I just felt really confused. It took me about 5 years to grasp the concept that someone could find me attractive and I didn't have my first boyfriend until 23.  I can remember at the time of doing my 'A' levels I missed lots of school and was off sick a lot. I used to cover up my mirrors with towels to avoid seeing my reflection and I wrote a list of all the things I hate about my appearance (28 things I hated about my hair, 27 things I hated about my face and 40 things I hated about my body!).  I was very tired all the time and doctors didn't know what was wrong with me, now it's quite blindingly obvious that it was depression. I've definitely become more confident since then, although it's taken a very long time.

So why did it affect me for so long and why does it affect some people more than others? We're all exposed to experiences that can potentially make us insecure about ourselves. Being confident about oneself is not to do with physical attractiveness, I mean, look at James Brown and Barry White(RIP)!

Me aged 23 on a night out. I
look confident but that's
because I'm drunk!

My research project for my Psychology degree was on this subject.  It's established that there's a relationship between self-esteem and body image but I wanted to look deeper into it. I researched the impact that situations with the potential to make one insecure have on negative emotions and how they correlate with self esteem.  I found that, as expected, the lower a person's self-esteem, the greater the extent of negative emotions were in these imagined situations.  So, for example, if a person with low self-esteem goes to a family wedding and a tactless relative makes a derogatory comment about that person's weight, it will have a greater impact on them than someone with high self-esteem. It sounds like a no-brainer but it goes to show that one of the most important ways to a healthy body image is to work on one's self esteem, rather than changing your appearance.

Everyone has different ways of helping themselves but here's what's helped me:

Samantha's body confidence tips!

very well said!

• Having quality rather than quantity with friends and spending time with supportive family members
• Removing or ignoring things (TV shows, magazines) and people in your life who are making you feel bad about yourself
• Being well groomed, taking care of oneself by exercising and eating well
• If you dislike something about your appearance that is easily changeable, it's ok to make changes but don't think you have to postpone your life until you've made that change.
• Make confidence playlists with songs that make you feel good! My selection might be a bit cheesy for some people's taste, but here it is:
• https://open.spotify.com/user/samanthapottinger/playlist/168HjnKQ35zYti2drQHfa6
• There are lots of good books you can read to improve your self-esteem and body image. Katie Piper (an ex-model who was tragically scarred by an acid attack) is very inspirational. 
• Remembering that there's more to life than appearance! Enjoy yourself!