A letter to the depressed me from the sane me

(not my image, from a book
by Ellen Forney)
What a great idea!

 Right now I am feeling very confident and positive about my life and my future.  I've not been diagnosed with bipolar disorder but I've had periods of depression and hypomania (low level mania). The period where I come out of a depressive episode and start enjoying the things I used to do again is always great and I feel so good that I don't think the depression will ever come back again.  The upsetting thing is looking back through my life, I've seen it come back so many times and I don't think I've ever been 2 years without being depressed (that I can remember). Knowing that it's likely to come back is a depressing thought so I thought I'd write myself a letter (or blog, rather) to make sure I can be prepared for it as well as possible.

and it's ok!

The things that bother me the most about my depressive episodes are the fact that I put on weight and eat junk food including cakes, chips, chocolates and pizza and end up getting really annoyed with myself. The fact that I qualified as a nutritional therapist and know very well how bad it is for me just adds to the guilt. I also have the constant debilitating (and incorrect) thought that everyone else is superior to me. I might not be able to stop the depression from recurring but I can help myself manage it as best as I can by supporting myself through it.

Tips for myself!

• Don't be in denial! Having depression does not make you weak or inferior to other people. Get help for it as soon as possible.
• You might feel empty and like you don't care about anything or any of your principles any more but this is not because you have become a horrible person. It is because right now you don't have the energy to do anything but look after yourself and you deserve it.
• You are not stupid or incompetent! You still managed to get good marks in essays and do your job throughout depressive episodes, so what if it just takes a bit more time and effort? You don't know that much about politics and history because there are other things that interest you more, nothing wrong with this.
• So what if other people have achieved more at your age or younger? There's no knowing how long I will live but it's likely I have many years of life ahead of me and there is still time to achieve the things I want to.
• Even if you don't believe any of these things I'm saying right now, it is not your fault.  It is the depression talking.  This feeling of emptiness is temporary and some day you will feel like yourself again.