Reaching your goals: a non-cheesy inspirational tale from a 30 year old vegan.......

I just yesterday received a letter from my college saying that I'm a qualified nutritional therapist and that I passed with merit.  Words cannot describe how happy I feel right now (so see my picture!). It's a truly wonderful feeling to have taken on something so challenging and to have succeeded.  I had no idea doing a course could stir up so many emotions.  I just want to take a look back through my journey to this career path.

What to do with my life????

In secondary school, my grades were mostly fine and I was a fairly promising student.  I did, however, suffer from a severe lack of confidence and had no idea of the career direction I wanted to go into.  I did French, Psychology and English Language at 'A' level.  French was my strongest subject but I wasn't strongly interested in French culture and didn't know what I would do with a degree in it.  I didn't have any particular passion for English language either and so my decision to do a Psychology degree was just by process of elimination. I would always look at other people who knew what they wanted to do with envy and admiration.

I enjoyed the parts of the Psychology degree that were relevant or useful to me (self-esteem, body image, positive psychology) but there were modules that were compulsory that I had no interest in at all and I just did not make any effort.  When it came to the scientific modules I remember feeling like 'I didn't come here to learn about action potentials and synapses, I want to learn about human behaviour! this is so dull!' and I either failed or got marks in the 40s.  I got ok marks in some modules but the scientific modules dragged my overall degree mark to a 2:2.  Which makes it quite ironic that I ended up studying something scientific in the end!

After finishing university I had some vague thoughts about possible career directions but I really just felt completely lost.  I thought about perhaps doing something to help girls/women with self-esteem issues (like me!) and counselling seemed like an obvious direction to go into. I knew, however, that it would involve doing further training that would cost money I wasn't willing enough to part with for something I wasn't sure of.

Because of this, I applied for a full time position where I was working as a library assistant.  It felt good to be earning a full-time salary but I wasn't particularly passionate about the job and felt it was silly that I went to university, only to continue doing the same job I'd been doing since I was 16!  I really didn't feel good about myself and would dread bumping into people I went to school with, teachers from my school and social situations where the inevitable first question people ask is 'what do you do for a living?'

After 5 years of being full time at the library, with a bit of help from my then boyfriend, I made the decision to become a nutritional therapist. I thought it would be a wonderful combination of my passion for food and desire to help people.  I had some savings that I thought would maybe end up going towards a deposit on a flat but decided to use them to pay for my course fees.  I knew I wouldn't be able to go on as many holidays and that it would mean living with my parents for longer than I would perhaps like to.  I also didn't have it worked out how I would fit in studying with work.  I certainly hadn't saved up anything like enough money to pay for the whole course and so I knew it would mean doing the course whilst working full time.  In spite of all these potential barriers, I chose to do it anyway, because I knew it was the right thing to do and I was determined.

I had to do a science access course because I didn't have Biology and Chemistry 'A' level.  I had never enjoyed science at all in school or university, it always just felt like memorising names of 'things' and found it hard to understand how anyone could find things like the periodic table fascinating.  But I had to get past that stubborn 'why do I have to do this?' attitude. I knew I had to get on with it if I truly wanted to be a nutritional therapist and so I worked hard and got a distinction in all modules.

my brain hurts!

I had done the science access course by distance learning, which was very lonely and difficult and so it felt wonderful when I started the nutritional therapy diploma and could meet and talk to other students. I felt very excited and inspired but also anxious and uncertain about whether I could succeed.  I also felt like everyone else I met had already got an established career to fall back on whereas for me I was only getting started and so that put a lot of pressure on me to do well in the course.

I felt (unjustifiably in retrospect!) ashamed of being just a library assistant and felt like everyone else was already so far ahead of me.  Then one day we had a clinical skills weekend in which we had to show how we dealt with clients (who were actors) with different personalities.  My client was the impatient character and everyone commented on how well I dealt with his impatience. I just said that I had lots of experience with dealing with impatient people (having worked with the London public from the age of 16 and all!).  All jobs give transferable skills!

It was a truly turbulent 4 years. I had some really good marks, some really bad marks, support and encouragement from some tutors, Simon Cowell-style feedback from others, feelings of inspiration, excitement and pride and feelings of failure, resentment and anger.

yep, this was me at a lot of points!

Being in clinic for the first time in my second year was absolutely horrendous.  After the first year I felt relieved that all the really abstract scientific modules were done and I no longer needed to learn dull facts about the molecular structure of carbohydrates, amino acids and fatty acids.  I was like, 'ah, the hard part is over!' HOW WRONG WAS I! I was completely alarmed by the complexity of the cases and the sheer amount of preparation that was required for just one client.  And all the paperwork! Doing consultations requires a multi-tasking ability that I just did not possess (I should supposedly have this ability because I have 2 X chromosomes, but I just don't!). Taking notes, asking appropriate open and closed questions, active listening, making eye contact with the client, trying to motivate the client positively, remembering all the legal and professional requirements..... it was absolutely overwhelming.  

On teaching clinic days we would undertake one consultation and observe other students giving a consultation to give each other feedback.  On my first day the other two students I was observing were brilliant and it just seemed to come so naturally to them and I was just thinking 'why can everyone else do it apart from me?'.  I felt really down because I thought I'd finally discovered my ideal career and it appeared that this was maybe not so and it was too difficult for me.  I was so upset that I had a big glass of wine with my lunch that day!  I decided to go on a clinical skills workshop to get extra support and discovered that many, many other students had the same anxieties and had burst out crying after or even during consultations.  & I was like 'oh, it's not just me then!'.  After the workshop I still had doubts and I said to my tutor 'It feels like I'm never going to get there' and she very wisely said to me 'Do not think about being about the end, think about taking little steps!'

And so I did take little steps and here I am now.  I never believed I could get through it at all, let alone pass with merit!

If you haven't fallen asleep yet, the moral of the story is that you can achieve your goals if you truly are determined.  As someone who always hated science and had a serious lack of confidence (and money lol) I still succeeded in becoming a qualified nutritional therapist. Seek support from those around you, screw the Simon Cowells of this world and don't be so hard on yourself. 

You can do it! :)